This is a bit long... Should i split it into parts? Neah... I'm too lazy....
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Physically, the Saproids are not an impressive race. Skinny little guys. Most races refer to them as "the little grey people". But they are really smart. Proportionally to their bodies, their craniums (and their brains) are the largest among the sentient races. And their are also cunning. And greedy. And ruthless.
You could be at war with them, and not even know it! Because they don't wage wars with ships, and guns, and troops. Oh, no! They wage economics wars. Because they are the trade masters. They are present on any stock market around the universe. They have their greedy little paws in every bank, in every vault. Why? Because nobody can multiply currency like the smart little bastards can.
As a result of their intimate knowledge regarding the economics of the universe, they can crash any economy, of anyone who they deem as a threat to them and to their lifestyle.
When humans finally discovered FTL, they were welcomed to the universe. They met all the other sentient races. Trade deals were made. Technologies were exchanged. Shipping lanes were being established.
Everyone was admiring this race of industrious, peace-loving, hard-working people. Everyone liked them, and the humans seemed to like everyone too. Everyone... except the Saproids.
For some reason, undisclosed by their diplomacy, the humans were rather cold and cautious towards "the little grey men". It's not that they refused contact or trade deals with them, or refused to grant them visiting visas to Earth. It's just that, unlike with the other races, the humans didn't seem to trust them. Like at all! Every Saproid that visited Earth, was accompanied by guards at all time. No access was given to more important human technologies, or real access to the human stock markets. Nobody really knew the reason for this apprehension from the humans part. But soon, all over the universe, when someone was being mad or frustrated at the Saproids, began refering to them as "anal probers" or "cow snatchers". These were terms that started from unofficial human sources.
Of course, this behavior didn't go unnoticed by the Saproids. Nor would it be left unpunished. In great secret, the probers - pardon me - the Saproids, assembled their war council. Their greatest minds in the field of economics met to discuss a strategy to bring these upstarts at the Saproids mercy. Like i said before, the Saproids didn't believe in standard warfare. That was for animals, for mindless brutes, as far as they were concerned. No... Their field of battle was the economy, and their weapon was the currency.
But, their access to human economy was basicly inexistent. So, their usual methods wouldn't be efficient against the humans. In order to find a winning strategy, more data was needed. So, a couple of Saproid generals were sent to Earth, to gather more information. They pretended to be just tourists, willing to visit an exotic planet.
The Human Bureau for Xeno Affairs accepted their tourist visa requests. It recommended them a few popular tourist resorts. Because the Saproids couldn't endure colder climates, the destinations were countries in the warmer climates of Earth. Like Thailand, Philippines, Malaysia, Haiti, Barbados... India was off limits for some reason - apparently for the safety of the cow snatchers - pardon me - the Saproids. Accomodations were made for them, tickets were bought, guides were booked and, of course, guards had been assigned, for their protection, according to the humans.
After a few days of quarantine, some vaccines, and other such formalities, the generals found themselves on Earth, among the humans, and began their observation, and data gathering. The natural beauties of the land left them unmoving. The exotic fauna mostly scared them. The exotic foods, fruits, vegetables - were of no interest (some of it were borderline poisonous!). Sport activities, (such as diving, climbing, hiking, and so on), were just as irrelevant to them. No... They looked for weaknesses in the economy. They watched how money changed hands. They analized what did the humans spent their currency on. They watched, they asked questions, they gathered data. Spreadsheets were made, Graphs created, Power Point presentations...the works! A month later, the generals returned to their home planet, and the War Council gathered once more.
The first to speak was senior general Skump, from the prestigious "Skump, Skump & Skump" trading company. The general stepped onto the podium with confidence. He looked very imposing with two assistants following him, displaying his very long achievements scroll. The general also looked quite refreshed by his time behind the enemy lines, and one could even see a faint tan on his grey skin.
- "Gentlemen", he began his speech, "on my time on the enemy planet i learned a lot of things about the humans. I studied them carefully. And i think i have found an ingenious method to strip them of their currency. To bleed them dry. Not only to make them poor, but to make them direct their money only into our accounts, and to no other race!"
Every member of the council was on their edge of the seat! Their greedy eyes shone with excitement! Little grabby paws were being rubbed together. Some began to drool uncontrollably. Some of them were even hiding erections behind clipboards placed onto their laps! General Skump smiled at their excitement and began to explain his strategy:
- "After i visited several popular vacation destinations among humans, i observed the following:

1. The humans work almost all year, gathering currency, like any other normal sapient. BUT instead of using the gathered currency to invest and multiply it, they spend a huge portion of the gathered money in only a single month of "vacation". It is a crazy period in their life, that happens every year, when they just...spend! They prefer to spend it on travelling to new places, as different as possible from their standard place of living. They spend on trying new things, new foods, new experiences, new mating partners...
2. When the humans reach a certain age, they retire from activity. They stop working and they don't make money anymore. BUT, their government pays them money each month! A fair procent of these old humans, when reaching this stage, prefer to move in wamer climates, where they spend their days taking money from their government and spending them. Usually, spending the money as explained on point 1 of my presentation.
3. The main source of income for those popular vacation sites i visited was the money spent as shown above. The entire economy in those places depends on the money they extract from the tourists. "

- "Gentlemen", continued the general, "i have seen tourism in the universe, but i have never seen an economy so depended on it, nor have i met a race so ready to spend money on such frivolous things."
- "So, after analyzing all these things, i propose the following course of action:

1. We build tourist resorts! Terrans will come here because they love new places and experiences! If you build it, they will come! They will come with their money, and leave without them! We will make them pay for these resorts! Not only they will leave their money here, but we will also bankrupt Earth's tourist destinations. After all, they can't offer so much "new" as an alien planet!
2. I am aware that the humans don't trust us, and don't like us. They call us "anal probers", and "cow snatchers". They won't visit Saproid resorts. So, we build them on other worlds. There are plenty of races that will welcome us investing on their planets. We just make sure that no staff is Saproid, that the humans don't know it is our resorts, and they will happily spend their income in those places.
3. We establish charter flights between Earth and our newly built resorts. The terrans will PAY us to come here and give us their money! Also, this would mean less tourists and less income for the transport companies on Earth. Again - a serious blow to their local economy!
4. and at last - we will attract the elderly humans. We sell them houses and land, in warm climates. Like all humans, they crave new experiences. So, they will move to these places. Not temporary, but they will stay there until they expire. All the time sucking money from Earth, and spending it on the planets we attract them to! Again - i am aware they will not come to our planet. Instead, we must attract them on planets that are under our unofficial control. So we can benefit from the steady credit flow that will be coming from Earth towards this elderly."

- "Thank you for your attention gentlemen. I am looking forward to your opinions, and to the plans that my fellow generals devised."
The other generals that visited Earth also presented their plans and observations. But, applying all the plans at once was avoided for three reasons: first, too many plans at once might alert the humans that they are under attack. Second - each of these plans required money, and there were only so many resources the Saproids were willing to risk. And third - they wanted not to push this story teller right here too much right now; to leave some room for a potential follow up.
The council members voted and, with majority of votes, chose general Skump's plan as the starting offensive against the humans. They started going over details, calculated return of investment rates, choosing suitable locations, squabbling over who gets to invest where and on what. But, they were professionals. Slowly, the thing were set into motions and the silent war began, without the humans even realizing they were under attack.
In less than a year, ten huge resorts, with hundreds of hotels, on ten different planets were ready to receive their (mostly human) guests. Transport lines were established between these resorts, Earth, and even Earth's colonies. Clips appeared on the human internet, promoting these resorts. Also, as the same time, amazing offers appeared , dedicated to the elderly humans, for houses and lands on warm, beautiful, exotic planets. For the humans that chose to move to these planets, they even offered free transport!
The plan was in motion, and it was flawlessly executed. Results soon became visible. Humans, after being confined on their own worlds for their entire existence, flocked to the new resorts with great enthusiasm! Old people were happy to get away from the crowded, polluted Earth, and settle on warm, new planets. The number of tourists and elderly surpassed even the most optimistic predictions of the Saproids. Money was starting to flow steadily from the direction of Earth, into the pockets of the anal probers. The council calculated that at this rate, in 10 years, humans would spend enough money outside their system, that they would enter a recession.
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Mike Lawry was one of the guides that had been hired to babysit that delegation of cow snatchers. He had never before met real life aliens, but he was rather disappointed. He tried his best to entertain them. But the boring, cheap, non-tipping, grey little bastards were not interested in anything fun. They just watched, observed, took notes... At some point, Mike thought they were into voyeurism, but neah... They just didn't know how to have fun.
So, when he was assigned to another delegation, from another species, he had very low expectations. He almost refused the job. But... his professional pride won. He vowed to himself that this delegation was gonna have fun like never before!
So, he did everything with them: took them to shows (concerts, magic shows, cabaret, etc); took them on trips, like safari, hiking; took them onto the sea, for swimming, snorkeling, diving; took them skydiving; took them to fancy restaurant to enjoy a wide variety of cuisines - the works!
At first, the new aliens were just as boring as the Saproids. Like they were scared to do any of the activities.
- "Why do you humans do these things? This vacation?" asked the leader of the delagation. "Seems like a waste of resources".
So Mike explained to them that humans need to take time off their usual work, in order to recharge. A human, without relaxation from time to time, becomes much less productive. And, he told them he was willing to bet that the entire delegation would feel much more efficient after a week under his ...supervision.
The aliens agree to follow his lead, and, after only a few hours, they relaxed, and started having the time of their lives. At the end of one full week, the aliens were energized, happy, relaxed, and felt ready to return to their mundane tasks with more vigor! Well...at least until their next vacation!
And so went things with the next delegation. And the next... And the next...
Word spread, and soon, there was a growing stream of alien tourists on Earth.
At some point, resorts dedicated to human tourists opened on other planets. Most humans that could afford a vacation, went to space! That took some pressure off the Earth's overcrowded resorts, and made room for the ever growing mass of alien tourists.
-------------------------------
Josh Brenner was amongst the first people to visit the tourist resorts built for humans, on alien worlds. He enjoyed his vacation immensely! He liked it so much, that he visited three of the mega resorts in less than a year! It was like visiting places from the movies he watched as a little kid. Like entering the universe of Star Wars. So many other races, such wonderful and exotic sceneries, so many strange foods!
However, he did notice a few unexpected things... Apparently, most alien races didn't usually take vacations like the humans did. All the destinations he visited were obviously new , and designed for humans. And even if they were designed for humans, you could easily see the lack of experience in tourism the designers of these places had. Sure - there were hotels, and each hotel had restaurants. But there were was a serious lack of other tourists attractions. Like organized activities, diving in those purple seas, safari excursions to observe the strange fauna, bird watching, sky diving. Nothing like that. Not even souvenir shops. Nothing like that. So, Josh Brenner did what any bussinessman does when he smells an opportunity - he invested! He started rather small - bought a building near one of those resorts. Transformed it into a hotel, but, unlike the resort, he made it suitable for as many species as he could. After that, he convinced his friends and family to invest too. They built a restaurant, opened a souvenir shop, opened an agency that organized all sorts of activities, in order for the visitors to enjoy all the experiences that the alien planet had to offer. And, most important - they promoted this type of tourism to all the other known sentient races! Even if the other sentient races were not used to this type of spending time, it was impossible not to enjoy yourself if humans were organizing your vacation. Soon, it was known throughout the universe that if you wanted to have fun, you turn to the humans!
Josh Brenner and his friends were just the first humans to do this. But they were not alone. Soon, the mega resorts built for the humans were old news. Human built resorts were attracting more tourists, from all over the universe. A brand new market was opened by the Saproids, but, because of their experience in tourism, the humans were the experts on this new market!
------------------------------
Walt Kowalsky was sitting on his porch, sipping his beer, enjoying the warm evening, and view of the spectacular first sunset of the day. The planet Calednia had two suns, that rotated around each other. The sunsets were something else. Like watching two mythological creatures fighting over the rule of the heavens. It wasn't really a sunset. As one sun disappeared under the horizon, the second sun was coming up. This first sunset actually marked the middle of the day.
"Huh... i'm cheating death." snorted Walt to himself. "I'm doubling the number of sunsets i'm going to see before i die". Bitter sweet humour, but that's the humour of an old man.
He had moved to Calednia six months ago, as soon as offers for new homes, on aliens planets began to appear on the internet.
"One last adventure", he had thought to himself when he bought the place. Best decision he ever made! The weather was always perfect, the house was cheap but very spacious and comfortable. The local race was friendly. They looked like ewoks, but less hairy.
"Man, i love this view", he sighed, as the second sun won the battle and climbed up the pink sky.
Just then his communicator beeped.
- "Yeah?" answered Walt, and took another sip of his beer.
- "Mr Kowalsky?" asked a high pitched voice. Sounding suspiciously like one of them anal probers.
- "This is he."
- "My name is Rajesh, from Xerop Utilities. I am calling to ask you when can we schedule a replacement of the utilities in your home?"
- "Huh?" a confused Walt asked
- "Oh, right... I forgot you are new to our planet. You see sir, on Calednia, our company, Xerop Utilities, replaces your water pump, air filter, air conditioner, washing machine and refrigerator every year. We call this preventive maintenance. In this way we make sure your equipment does not break... too often."
- "Woau... You do this for free every year?"
- "What? No sir. You will be billed, of course."
- "Like hell i will! Nothing wrong with my stuff. Nothing broke yet. When something breaks, i'll fix it myself. If i can't, only THEN i'll buy a new one."
- "Mmm... You can't do that..."
Rajesh seemed at loss for words.
- "Listen here kid. Are these equipments my property?"
- "Well... yes sir, of course..."
- "Then, if you want to tell me what i can do and what i can't do with my property, you're gonna have to come here and tell it to me personally, and to my rifle!"
No answer came from the other side of the line. Just a gulp.
- "That's what i thought. Now f**k off, and don't call this number again!"
About a week later, his water pump broke. Walt grabbed his tool box, and opened it. It was only one condenser that burnt itself, but that started the whole contraption. It was rather standard, but cheaply made, flimsy. He replaced it in 2 minutes. But for the pump to break just as that company was trying to sell him a new one, seemed like too big of a coincidence. So he checked all the stuff around his house. Fridge, air filter, washing machine... everything. All of them were decently built, but had some cheap condensers, or cheap fuses, of cables too thin, like they were all meant to only last a few months.
He went online and ordered himself a box of honest, earth built condensers, fuses, and what-not. Just to have some spares. Xenos might replace the entire machine when it stopped working, but to him, that was wastefull.
About a month later, he was at his neighbor's house, at a party. They were a nice clan of ewoks. Happy, cute, and man they were funny after a few beers! Everyone was telling stories, jokes. They were all laughing; Walt was telling them about how he scared Rajesh silly over the phone, to the amusement of the whole party.
- "Wait, wait, wait..." said Blink, the son of his neighbor. "You mean to tell us you fix all these stuff by yourself?"
- "Yeah dude. It's not even that complicated. They are simple machines. Really easy to fix. And if you mess up, so what? They were gonna sell you a new one anyway".
- "Well... i wouldn't mind not buying new stuff every year" said Blink's dad. "It's sucking me dry. If i wouldn't have to replace them, maybe we could afford one of those vacations i keep hearing about. Walt, think you could show Blink here how to fix them?"
- "Sure thing buddy! If he wants too..."
- "I don't know..." said Blink. "My friends will probably laugh at me, saying i'm into old man stuff"
Walt thought for a second then asked:
- "You kids here have a social network right? And the kid with the most interesting posts, the most likes and shares is the most popular right?"
- "Well... yeah"
- "Kid, i'll teach you how to fix them things, and you can post tutorials online for each type of fix. You're going to save your people so much money that your channel is going to be the most popular on this planet! You're going to get so much tail, you're not going to have energy left to fix things!" laughed Walt
- "...Tail? What do you mean?"
- "Nevermind that... It's the beer talking... So? You in?"
- "Yeah.. Ok. Not sure if you're right about the popular part, but i would really like for us to save enough money to go on a vacation."
- "Great! Then it's settled! Man, i'm going to enjoy sticking it to that Xerop Utilities Company. You know, i have a suspicion that company is run by those anal probers assholes... You know that my grand daddy was abducted by those assholes?" And so, the story telling part of the party continued.
In the following months, Radio Shack received thousands of orders from planet Calednia. And the orders kept growing in number and in number of articles. The sales for new water pumps, air filters, boilers, washing machines, refrigerators, and other house hold equipment plummeted. And Blink's channel became the most popular channel on the planet.
The situation on Calednia was not singular. One every planet where old humans moved, at one point or another, similar events developed. The humans refused to replace equipment regularly. If the machines broke down, they just fixed them. Then they showed their neighbors how to fix them. And so on, until spare parts stores from Earth were forced to open branches and deposits on the alien planets, to cope with the demand.
-------------------------------
Four years after the Saproids started their silent war against the humans, their expensive built resorts were now shadowed by the human ones and were barely making any profit. All the planets where old humans had moved, and whereon the Saproids had booming companies like Xerop Utilities, were now reporting massive losses.
The Saproid council held elections and removed the generals responsible for this debacle from the leadership.

As the Sanders campaign reaches its terminal stage and settles into hospice, I think it would be useful to create kind of a digital library of Sanders copypastas, as sort of a memento mori of the absurdity that the BS campaign shat out. I hope for your contributions, and I'll update this original post with your submissions. Troll or not, Poe's Law or not, all are welcome.
To get everyone into the spirit of my proposal, I present to you the the ne plus ultra, the Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death of Sanders copypastas:

To all the Hillary gloaters, i'll tell you one thing. politics is, and always will be, Bernie territory. OUR territory. The mods of politics have formally endorsed Senator Sanders for president. We will continue to control the front page with positive Bernie news. So before you start talking shit and bragging about your bitch's win, I'll have you know that we're well versed in downvote brigades. Say RIP to your karma if you try anything cute. Assholes.

A new classic, summarized in two words: Chicken Nuggets (thanks u/princessnymphia)

Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a fucking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so fucked.

The enoughsandersspam variaton on the copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)

I'll have you know I graduated top of my drum circle class, and I've been involved in numerous secret brigading runs on /hillaryclinton, and I have over 300 confirmed FaceBanking spam sessions. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top downvoting sniper in the entire /politics forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision shitposts the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of birds across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your karma. You're fuckinging dead, old man. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill your karma with over seven hundred downvotes, and that's just with my bare mouse. Not only am I extensively trained in spamming, but I have access to the entire archive of H.A. Goodman articles and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the subreddit, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" Hillary-supporting comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit downvotes all over you and you will drown in it. Your karma is fucking dead, gramps.

The "Prius" copypasta (thanks to myself) [EDITOR'S NOTE: This is perhaps my personal favorite. He's never going to see that car again]

This race is not over. We have a long way to go.
A Socialist Jew just got 48% of the vote in a predominantly white capitalist State (where I happen to live).
I turned my 2014 Toyota Prius over to the Nevada Campaign months ago for their use and just informed them they can have it for as long as they need it.
Hillary IS NOT KICKING OUR ASS!
She sqeaked by this one.
This is not over.
I am here until we win.

The "1% of understanding" copypasta (thanks u/f1ne)

Lol, when it comes to politics I'm in the top 1% of understanding. I've been watching political coverage every week since I was 14 fucking years old. But political novice like you think that you actually have an understanding because of the fact you pay attention once every 2 or 4 years. Yeah keep dreaming. Bernie could easily come out and say that having the debate during the fucking NCAA finals limit exposure to the American people, and that as a true believer in democracy he feels that the American people should be given the best chance to hear the information necessary for them making their democratic decision. And that he doesn't know why Hillary Clinton doesn't want to make the time to reach a large national audience to inform them about what she wants to do for the county. And why she would purposely choose the date that forces the American people to make a choice between watching the final game of the series they've been watching all month, and informing themselves on the difference between the Democratic candidates? Yeah, I guess politics shouldn't be commented on by people who have no fucking idea what they are talking about.

The "Honestly?!?!" copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)

Grow the fuck up, all of you are going to be the reason Hillary is elected and this country goes into the shitter. I sacrificed going to work, I sacrificed food for my family, I sacrificed close to 2,000$ for a better future, for an investment and you all ruined it. I hope you all look back in 8 months about the monster you created, you only have yourself to blame.

The "Anti-Sanders" copypasta (thanks u/Zeeker12)

Before Bernie Sanders, it was Ron Paul. Before Ron Paul, it was Dennis Kucinich. Before Dennis Kucinich, it was Howard Dean. Before Howard Dean, it was Ralph Nader. And so on and so forth back to Eugene McCarthy in 1968. For nearly fifty years, middle-class white college ideologues have latched onto this candidate or that, firmly believing that their political awakening has miraculously coincided with discoveries of Great Truths that escape the Brainwashed Morons that make up the electorate (and which just happen to align perfectly with their own particular socioeconomic interests), and that this Great Man is going to be the one to take the country to the promised land. And it's always the same story. Of course he is going to win. I like him, and I usually get the things I want. And he's popular. I mean, everyone I know likes him, and I know all sorts of people at the university I chose because its student body matches my hometown's income level, ethnicity, region, and politics. And everyone on the websites I visit likes him, and there are millions of people on the websites. (I visit these websites because their user base and content creators mostly match my own identity.) I literally don't know anyone who supports his opponent. (I do not consider the previous statement to be indicative of my own limited viewpoint, but rather consider it damning to his opponent.) And look, I voted for him on a bunch of online polls, and then deleted my cookies and switched IP addresses and voted for him again, and again, and again. And he's totally dominating those polls. See. I knew he was winning. I'll post about how he's winning on some websites. And hey, everyone else on these websites is doing the same thing. I bet he's winning. Of course he's winning. How could anyone not support my candidate? His opponent is basically the same as a member of the other party! Actually their voting record is >90% identical to my candidate's. But I don't really know that much about either candidate. I didn't really know who either were twelve months ago. But I'm super excited now! The media isn't reporting favorably on my candidate. They project he will lose. But they're corrupt. They're bought-and-paid-for. I don't even read them any more. Nobody does. Time to show the world that their lies won't work. Time for the primaries. We lost. Fuck. I literally cannot comprehend how this might have happened. The media said this would happen. The media are a bunch of corrupt liars. I guess the system is just as corrupt as the media is. This is not a good story. This is not a good democracy. Fuck this entire fucking corrupt system. I participated but I didn't get anything what the fuck fuck this noise fucking corrupt bastards and the goddamned cunt for brains sheep that vote for them the entire system is broken the parties are identical the democracy is a sham i'm never fucking voting again bunch of bought and paid for hypocrites fuck this fuck you fuck everything see now there are problems in the world YOU FUCKING DESERVE THE PROBLEMS YOU BASTARDS the people need to rise up BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN why even bother I AM NEVER VOTING AGAIN

The "hole in the wall" copypasta (thanks u/ryuguy)

Using a throwaway because I don't want any trolls stalking all over reddit again... We were supposed to fucking win this one... My retarded Clinton-loving parents are mad at me because I punched a fucking hole in my bedroom wall. I just couldn't take listening to these fucking analysts saying Bernie's campaign is over. Fuck politics, man. this is bullshit. I'm gonna scrap some cash together so I can donate again, but the future is looking fucking bleak

The "Bird" copypasta (thanks u/going_for_a_wank)

Man, as overhyped as the Bernie train is, I gotta say this picture is actually worth a thousand words in terms of his character.
Regardless of context, I believe and have always said that animals are the best judges of true character, and the way someone acts around animals, both with those that could fuck you up and the innocent ones that couldn't severely hurt you no matter how hard they tried, reveals what they really are.
Were I to extrapolate on this idea, the average politician would ignore the bird, the angry, authoritarian, fear-mongerers of the new GOP/tea party would look at it with disdain if they saw it. Someone who truly cares about our planet, our people, and everything on our planet... those with a gentle soul, are the only ones that could stop, appreciate the moment, acknowledge it's beauty, and never even think of it as anything other than a perfectly innocent creature.
I will never trust somebody dogs/cats don't like (if the pets have met them). Never have, never will. Doesn't mean I won't do business or deal with them, I just will ultimately be prejudiced on their character. Perhaps it's confirmation bias, but I've never met a person who's good with animals that has been anything less than admirable, likable, or just plain good.
Sure, I'm a Bernie supporter, but IDGAF who it is. I acknowledge that the more basic nature of a person is more apparent to animals, who've had to adapt to the homo sapiens' dominance (like wolves to dogs) and rely on their kindness.
And that's ignoring whether somebody's concentrating on a speech from memory or reading one off paper, rather than speaking from the heart which allows them to enjoy the moment, read the crowd, and effectively be a better leader. If you don't both know and believe in what you are saying, you wouldn't notice the bird. If you were so concentrated on a memorized speech, you'd look at it like a nuisance. If you actually are speaking from the heart, you see the crowd, and the leaves falling in the distance, you hear the applause after finishing a point, you notice everything as you're in the moment... That is a true leader.
He might be idealistic, he might have views I strongly oppose (humanitarian requirements in international trade agreements off the top of my head), but god damn if he isn't the first candidate in my lifetime I've actually felt wants to do the most he can to make his country, and the world, a better place based on his actual judgement... the first candidate I'm confident in saying that about since Teddy. You might disagree with them on certain issues, but there's no denying their passion for the US, it's citizens, ideals, and their desire to do what they think is best for the country.

The "suicide solution" copypasta (thanks u/TheRealJamesEarlCash)

I maxed out 3 credit cards donating to Sanders and can barely afford to pay my bills this month... Either he wins tonight or im done. If Bernie cant fix my problems, my .45 will.

The "maid" copypasta (thanks u/ryuguy)

msnbc saying that Clarke county results will show that Bernie didn't do as well with Latinos as we thought.
My maid has a Hillary bumper sticker and she better not gloat or anything. She taught my kids spanish and has been with the family for over 8 years but its starting to feel like it might be time for both of us to move on to other opportunities.

The "paraphilia" copypasta (thanks u/LiberatorFalcon)

Ok so to preface I've been straight all my life and this is going to seem really odd so please hear me out lol. I'm a teenager and I use reddit so as you know I love doing typical edgy stuff like memes etc, of which a current Reddit circlejerk is about Bernie Sanders(not going to link the subs but some of them are really pro Sanders and a lot of shitposting etc) anyway, as with any current meme trends I get really into it and I share the memes on other places on the internet and spam them everywhere on the internet in general.
I'm a NEET so I spend a lot of time at home and uh, you know..jerk it a lot but something really weird has happened. I actually legitimately get turned on by watching Bernie videos. Like I said, I've been a straight male all my life.
I don't know what this means and I'm feeling really confused at the moment. I know this sounds stupid but is it normal to sometimes feel same sex attraction to specific people? Like I don't seem to be suddenly attracted to other guys in general or anything.
If anyone has experienced anything like this, I'd really appreciate your comments.

The "emoji saga" copypasta(s) (thanks u/heterosis)

IM DELETING YOU, BERNIE!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 ✔Bernies💃👴 are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Bernie!💖 Send this to ten other 👴💃Bernies👴💃 who give you 💖👍socialism💖👍 Or never get called 🌷🌼️progressive🌷🌼️ again 🚫😢👎😢👎 If you get 0 Back: no free healthcare for you 🚫🏥🚫🏥 3 back: you're progressive🗽🗽 5 back: you #FEELTHEBERN 🔯🗽🔯 10+ back: You’re the first lady!💕🗽💕❤💋💑❤💋💑
To all the Hillary 👵🏻 gloaters 😂😂😂, I'll tell you ☝️ 1️⃣ thing: politics 🏛 is, 😤 and always will be, 😠 Bernie 👴🏻 territory. OUR 😡 territory. The mods 👮👮👮 of politics 🏛 have formally 👔👌 endorsed Senator Sanders 👴🏻 for president 🇺🇸👍. We 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 will continue ⏱⏰⌚️ to control 🎮 the front page 💻 with positive Bernie 👴🏻 news 🗞📰. So before 🖐😤 you start talking 🗣 shit 💩💩💩 and bragging 😊😜😏 about your bitch's 🚺🐶👵🏻 win, I'll have you know 🤔💭 that we're 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 well versed 💬 in downvote ⬇️👎🔽 brigades. Say RIP 💀😩😭 to your karma ⬆️⬇️ if you try anything cute 🐱🐭🐹. Assholes. 😂😂😂
Just me and my 💕bernie💕, hanging out I got pretty hungry🍆 so I started to pout 😞 He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy 😍🍆 and I asked what and he said he'd give me his 💦delegates!💦 Yeah! Yeah!💕💦 I phonebank!💦 I facebank!💦 I spam /politics💦 😍 It makes 💘bernie💘 😊happy😊 so it's my only goal... 💕💦😫Harder bernie! Harder bernie! 😫💦💕 1 primary💦, 2 primaries💦💦, 3 primaries💦💦💦, 4💦💦💦💦 I'm 💘bernie's💘 👑supporter 👑but I'm also a karma whore! 💟 He makes me feel politically active💗!He makes me feel progressive💜! 💘💘💘He makes me feel everything a bernie supporter should!~ 💘💘💘 👑💦💘Wa-What!💘💦👑

The "Red October" copypasta (thanks u/Ogodei_Khan)

COMRADES, men of the Sanders Army and Phonebanking Navy, commanders and political instructors, working men and working women, collective farmers-men and women, workers in the intellectual professions, brothers and sisters in the rear of our enemy who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of the Hillary brigands, and our valiant men and women guerillas who are destroying the rear of the /hillaryclinton invaders!
On behalf of the Sanders Campaign and our Progressive Party I am greeting you and congratulating you on the twenty-fourth anniversary of the Great October Political Revolution.
Comrades, it is in strenuous circumstances that we are to-day celebrating the twenty-fourth anniversary of the Political Revolution. The perfidious attack of the Hillary brigands and the war which has been forced upon us have created a threat to our subreddit. We have temporarily lost a number of users, the enemy has appeared at the gates of /s4p and /GrassrootsSelect. The enemy reckoned that after the very first blow our army would be dispersed, and our subreddit would be forced to her knees. But the enemy gravely miscalculated. In spite of temporary reverses, our Army and Navy are heroically repulsing the enemy’s attacks along the entire front and inflicting heavy losses upon her, while our country—our entire country—has organized itself into one fighting camp in order, together with our Army and our Navy, to encompass the rout of the DNC invaders.
There were times when our country was in a still more difficult position. Remember the year 2016, when we celebrated the first anniversary of the October Revolution. Three-quarters of our subreddit was at that time in the hands of low information voters. New York, the Caucasus, Iowa, Florida, Texas and the Deep South were temporarily lost to us. We had no allies, we had no Vatican City—we had only just begun to create it; there was a shortage of food, of donations, of phones for the Army. Fourteen big banks were pressing against our subreddit.
But we did not become despondent, we did not lose heart. In the fire of war we forged the Phonebanking Army and converted our subreddit into a military camp. The spirit of the great Sanders animated us at that time for the war against the shills. And what happened? We lost by a little less!
To-day the position of our subreddit is far better than twenty-three months ago. Our subreddit is now many times richer than it was twenty-three months ago as regards foreign teenagers, upvotes, and $27 donations. We now have allies, who together with us are maintaining a united front against the Hillary invaders. We now enjoy the sympathy and support of all the nations of Europe who have fallen under the yoke of Hitlery’s tyranny. We now have a splendid Army and a splendid Navy, who are defending with their lives the liberty and independence of our country. We experience no serious shortage of either whining, or popes, or small snacks. Our entire country, all the peoples of our country, support our Army and our Navy, helping them to smash the invading hordes of Hillary Republicans. Our reserves of teenage-power are inexhaustible. The spirit of the great Warren and her victorious banner animate us now in this patriotic war just as they did twenty-three months ago.
Can there be any doubt that we can, and are bound to, defeat the Hillary shills?
The enemy is not so strong as some frightened little fourteen year olds picture her. The devil is not so terrible as she is painted. Who can deny that our Red Army has more than once put the vaunted Goldman Sachs employees to panic flight? If one judges, not by the boastful assertions of the DNC propagandists, but by the actual position of Hillary, it will not be difficult to understand that the nfascist invaders are facing disaster. Corruption and hate reign in Germany to-day; in four months of war Hillary has lost four and a half million men; /hillaryclinton is bleeding, her reserves of man-power are giving out, the spirit of indignation is spreading not only among the peoples of Europe who have fallen under the yoke of the undemocratic invaders but also among the /hillaryclinton people themselves, who see no end to corruption. The Hillary invaders are straining their last efforts. There is no doubt that Hillary cannot sustain such a strain for long. Another few months, another half-year, perhaps another year, and Clinton must burst under the pressure of her crimes.
Comrades, men of the Upvote Army and Red Navy, commanders and political instructors, men and women guerillas, the whole world is looking to you as the force capable of destroying the plundering hordes of corrupt Wall Street invaders. The enslaved peoples of America who have fallen under the yoke of the DNC look to you as their liberators. A great liberating mission has fallen to your lot. Be worthy of this mission! The war you are waging is a war of liberation, a just war. Let the manly images of our great ancestors—Stalin, Mao, Castro, Lenin, Pol Pot, and Elizabeth Warren—inspire you in this war! May the victorious banner of the great Sanders be your lodestar!
For the complete destruction of the Wall Street invaders!
Death to the Goldman Sachs!
Long live our glorious subreddit, her liberty and her independence!
Under the banner of Sanders, forward to victory!

The "Because she's a woman?" copypasta (thanks u/xthn)

What's your proof of this? People say things as stupid as this all the time with no proof. At the same time, you dismiss the proof that exists on the other side for mistrusting and disliking Hillary Clinton. You're happy she won? Why? Why do you think she's going to do any good for this country? What are the stances she has that you like? Besides the fact that she's a woman? Because a lot of awful people also happen to be women. I'd bet about half the awful people in the world are women. Being a woman isn't a good enough reason to be the leader of the free world. So please tell me why you're so happy she might end up in control.

The "ballot bern" copypasta (thanks u/Soulja_Boy_Yellen)

I wouldn't mind doing this. Just taking a lighter to my ballot in the general and saying to the hrc voters around me, "Our vote didn't count, so here you go. Told you you'd feel the bern one way or another. Enjoy the loss. You brought it on yourselves."
Then walk out with my head held high while they writhe in sheer anger

The "Dads" copypasta (thanks u/RedCanada) [EDITOR'S NOTE: The levels of cringe in this CP are off the charts, and one of the few times reading something on here has made me physically uncomfortable]

I think you have no idea how right you are.
"Dads" aren't just the proverbial sperm donors that contributed half of the genetic makeup of who we are.
Dads are the leaders, those who walk the walk, instead of just talking the talk.
Bernie to me is both a great leader, and a damn good father figure.
I always considered myself without a strong father figure, be it paternal or religious.
Bernie is the kindly old man who lit a fire in my heart and set ablaze any previous notion of what "common sense" was supposed to be.
Common sense means nothing, and I don't mean that in a cutesy way.
It means nothing until you set the standard for how your grandchildren will live.
Bernie knows that if he doesn't fight like hell for the grandchildren he'll never meet they will fall through the cracks.
It's no coincidence to me that "grand dad" and "great father" are synonyms. Bernie suits both. The one father figure I related to enough to demand better for the grand children I'll never meet.
And I know I'm not the only one. I'm a hard line stoic rationalist but I've had enough of the greed and the hatred of the status quo.
Humans can be better than greed, better than hatred. You just have to convince people they're worth fighting for.
Thank you, Bernie.
Thank you for convincing me that no matter how scary an enemy, bravery can and does overcome fear when you let it.
E: Man, does nobody know what it means to speak proverbially anymore? is that a scary thing now?

The "Superdelegate Revenge Squad" copypasta (thanks u/red1dragon588)

If hillary only wins because of super delegates I will write so many angry emails, physical letters, and phone calls (and I've never done the latter 2 before) to every single one of my representatives and the DNC letting them know how upset I am with their actions, and that I will never vote for anyone responsible for this mess ever again, and will vote third party if I have to because I'll never go back to being an inactive voter again either.
Furthermore I'll make my own Hillary Clinton style hit list and I'll make sure to donate money to every single candidate, blue red or otherwise running against said people on list in my district or not until they are ousted from office, and I'll make sure to write those candidates to informing them of that.
Then if I'm still angry, I'll use my coding skills to make an app designed to inform users about their local politicians and history, including income sources and vote history (including delegate votes obviously). And maybe a way to read news articles posted about that candidate about good and bad things they've done.
That last one is a fuckload of work, I almost hope they make me mad enough to get the motivation to attempt it. But more realistically I might try and make an app for the grassroots subreddit if there isn't one already by then to consolidate info of people running on grassroots campaigns in various offices and whether or not they're running up against certain people.
I'll make sure to save this post so I don't forget my intentions.

The "Blacks should know better" copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)

DO. NOT. QUIT. Some of these states are southern, and we know how Bernie does ther ebecuase of certain populations. Things get better from here on out. I think what we need to do is connect better with the African-American population. Now obviously we all know that Hillary has a horrible record with blacks. But they don't seem to get it. I'm not sure if we're being too subtle, or if there's something internalized here, but they should really know better at this point. A lot of people here have done a lot of work to try and educate this group, but I think we need to make our message simpler, maybe we're being confusing or using way too complicated language for them. Remember it's not their fault, they just weren't educated by the MSM, and it's our job ot show them the correct choice. Once again, do NOT give up. Keep strong, and start pushing harder for acceptance by the blacks, and we should be able to pull this off.

The "laminate lectern" copypasta (thanks u/ArkBirdFTW)

Just when I thought I couldn't love him more I see that his lectern is made of cheap press board laminate.
The dude just refuses to waste money on anything.
But his plans are "too expensive".
Really? Come on guys. This is not a man who wastes money. Just look ffs.

The "Idol" copypasta (thanks u/FiveCentDeposit)

I'll always support you no matter what happens, Bernie. In highschool, teachers usually ask you who your idol is. Back then, I never managed to really answer that question. I didn't know anyone who I could really look up to. That all changed when I started to learn about you in September 2015. I can now answer that question without a single doubt in my mind. And I can give a thousand reasons why I chose you. Thanks for fighting so passionately to defend the lives of millions around the whole world.

The "proof that politics is indeed a circlejerk" copypasta (thanks u/FiveCentDeposit)

politics is not a circlejerk. It just so happens that most people there support Sanders. That most people there share a particular opinion doesn't make it a circlejerk. It would be a circlejerk if people just praising that opinion got tons of upvotes and those who dissent got tons of downvotes. This is not the case. Yes, most people there support Sanders but they back it up with reason and facts. However if you constantly bring up fallacies like that there is a statistically meaningful amount of so called "Bernie Bros", that Clinton is more electable or that Sanders should drop out because he can't win, prepare for your unsubstantiated rhetoric to be met with downvotes. There are tons of myths about Sanders that are disproved by statistics and objective facts, and if you bring them up, don't act as if it's because the people who downvoted you are part of an echo chamber.

The "footprints" copypasta (thanks u/berniebrah)

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Bernie. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to Lord Bernie, "You promised me free college, That if I followed you, you would legalize weed. But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life There have only been one set of prints in the sand. Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "wall street, Millionahs, and billionahs."

The "one last throw of the dice" copypasta (thanks u/berniebrah)

The My Fellow Sanders Supporters
Wake Up.
We lost New York, that very thought still fucking burns me as I write this. But Understand this, We Got Five, count with Me One (Pennsylvania) Two (Maryland) Three( Connecticut) Four (Rhode Island) And Five (Delaware) states coming. And Guess what, we sweep through that, and get as small of a lost as we can in Maryland, We Will not only make up what we lost in New York, we will have cut into her lead.
This is war, My brothers and Sisters, and wars are not won by one battle, one moment. We will lose battles, we will lose states.... but we will win the war.
This Campaign is focused on one thing, and one thing only, Fixing America. Fixing the Justice System, the Educational System, the Political System, Our Infrastructure. And we have to work hard for it. MSM and the DNC have written us of as a Insurgency.
Damn Right we are an Insurgency, We are an Insurgency fighting for the future of our children, our families, our very way of life. Corporates like Goldman Sachs, and the Walton Family want to keep us down. And we are down, right now. What matters is this..... Will we stay down, let the world Die around us, because we lost by a little bit in New York. We were no matter what going to lose New York, I wish it wasn't that way but the DNC and Hillary's foothold on that state is strong. We Have to Stand, to give this goddamn world a fighting chance, Hillary won't change Anything, Trump will make it even Worse. We have to win this or Our very way of Life is Gone, and I am not being Dramatic. Hillary wouldn't dare change a thing to keep her Pals in Wall Street Happy, and Trump will Accelerate us into another War. We Let that happen we won't have another Chance, there isn't another 4 years, there isn't a "Next Time" There is only Now, and Now we Have to Lick our wounds, Stand up, and Fight Back, and this is how we are going to do it.
Pennsylvania: We have a Large group of Support there for Sanders, we need to increase it. It takes Priority Number 2, Its has the most Delegates out of all of the other states.
Maryland: Were not gonna get Maryland, no matter how much we do. So we will Focus on Damage Control, Limit the amount we Lose by to as small as possible. We'll make up the delegates With Connecticut, Delaware and Rhode Island: Priority Number one, We need to win these states, no matter what if we wanna stop Maryland from cutting into our win in Pennsylvania, so we need big wins here.
Stand strong Guys, Bernie hasn't abandoned us, we Will Not Abandon him. This is a Revolution, and It Will Not Be Stopped by one state going bad for us.

The "Bernie fanfiction" copypasta, original and variation (thanks u/berniebrah)

Picture if you will, a small adorned study in the Vatican, a small collection of artifacts and books sit on a coffee stable as an older gentleman sits reading one. His hair is disheveled. He looks excited and worn like an oak in the spring as he unwinds from the day. His wife gazes at him from the other chair, her pride of pushing past paperwork to be able to enjoy this moment is palpable. As the air hangs and this moment of evening holds without passing another older fellow glances and then steps in. Bert to the first person's Ernie, a rounder face less hair to dance on his head but a kindred spirit. The lady notices and stands to greet him which breaks the silence. 'Ernie' looks over, sets down the book and stands, offering his hand. "Bernard" "Jorge" "You do good work." Impressed nod. "You, cool." Sly smile. "Be well." Jane starts to sit back down but goes over for a hug instead, over her shoulder a child like smile spreads warmly.
Picture if you will, a small adorned study in the Vatican, a small collection of artifacts and books sit on a coffee stable as an older gentleman sits reading one. His hair is disheveled. He looks excited and worn like an oak in the spring as he unwinds from the day. His wife gazes at him from the other chair, her pride of pushing past paperwork to be able to enjoy this moment is palpable. As the air hangs and this moment of evening holds without passing another older fellow glances and then steps in. The lady notices and stands to greet him which breaks the silence. 'Signore Sanders, what are you doing here?' asks the man, as Bernard sets down the book and stands, asking: "Who are you? Where's the pope?" "Signore Sanders, the pope is in Greece" "But I was going to meet with him, he invited me!" "No Signore Sanders, His Holiness did not invite you. Now please leave before I call the guard." Bernard looks heartbroken. Jane goes over to give him a hug; over her shoulder a child like sob is heard as tears roll down the old man's face.

The "Teenage Kicks" copypasta (thanks u/LiberatorFalcon)

I'm 15 years old and I LOVE Bernie Sanders! :) #FeelTheBern lol. I am REALLY interested in politics. Let me just say that I am so sick and tired of these faux news racist reactionary far right Republican candidates like Donald Trump getting votes (by people like my dad.... lol). It's so funny that people hate Bernie Sanders because he's a socialist.. do people even realize that we have like a million social programs in the United States?? And Europe already IS socialist. These stupid old white guys need to get with the times lol. I don't see why we can't just have free college and free healthcare. These things are a right NOT a privilege. Plus it's already done in EVERY other first world country. Too bad faux news idiots are too brainwashed because they're paid out by big business. lol. Not to mention the income inequality.... completely disgusting.

The "Tell Everyone" copypasta (thanks u/JessesPinkman)

I had a vision last night! Let's take it to the finish line.
Last night while I took a quick nap a vision came to me. I felt like I was drowning deep in the middle of the ocean. I looked around and saw nobody to help. The water kept climbing into my airways and when all seemed lost I look up. Looking down at me was Bernie and immediately he points to me.
I quickly felt the water fade away and turned my head down to see it had disappeared. All that remained was a telephone and a crisp $100 bill. I knew exactly what it meant and as I look back to Bernie all he says to me is, "Tell Everyone!"
This is our moment friends. If we donate just a little bit more and phonebank just a bit harder we'll win this for sure. Spread the word!

The "anti-circlejerk" copypasta (thanks u/General_Kony)

Anyone remember the unidan era?
Here's the thing. You said a "/ESS is a CircleJerk."
Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.
As someone who is a scientist who studies CircleJerks, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls ESS a Circlejerk. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.
If you're saying "It's the same type of subreddit" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Shitposting, which includes things from Lenny Faces to <---- Number of posts to memes.
So your reasoning for calling a /EnoughSandersSpam a CircleJerk is because low information sanders supporters "call it one?" Let's get /politics and /the_donald in there, then, too.
Also, calling someone an paid shill or a plant ? It's not one or the other, that's not how shilling works. They're both. An paid shill is a Plant and a member of the /EnoughSandersSpam family. But that's not what you said. You said a /EnoughSandersSpam is a CircleJerk, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the Political Subreddits Circlejerks, which means you'd call /SandersForPresident, /politics, and other shitposting subreddits, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

The "Berniebots = atheists" copypastas (thanks u/z7sour7lemons7z) [EDITOR'S NOTE: This CP perhaps contains the greatest amount of cognitive dissonance I've seen in a Sanders post]

Bernie Sanders supporters are like atheists. They are obviously right and they know it. But should they dare speak obvious truths, they get attacked by ad hominems from well-intentioned people who refuse to accept reality. If the goal of civilization is to make progress, the idea that Hillary Clinton is a better candidate than Bernie Sanders is pure fantasy. There are plenty of smart, reasonable, and well-informed Hillary supporters -- But there are plenty smart, reasonable, well-informed Christians, Jews, and Muslims too. I think the explanations for why Hillary is a better candidate than Bernie are as unreasonable as religion. But good luck getting a follower to realise it.

The "True Nature of Power" copypasta (thanks u/Stupidconspiracies)

Know what power is? Clinton needs Sanders voters to win the election, THAT is power. HAHAHAHAHAHA Got bad news for you, Sanders and his supporters won't surrender unconditionally, and if Clinton resists our terms there will be consequences. HAHAHAHAHAHA Here's how it's gonna go down. If Clinton wants to win (which she does) Clinton will make progressive promises on the convention floor (which she will), and the moment she violates any of those promises, she'll be hearing from us. :P Feel the Bern.

As the Sanders campaign reaches its terminal stage and settles into hospice, I think it would be useful to create kind of a digital library of Sanders copypastas, as sort of a memento mori of the absurdity that the BS campaign shat out. I hope for your contributions, and I'll update this original post with your submissions. Troll or not, Poe's Law or not, all are welcome.
To get everyone into the spirit of my proposal, I present to you the the ne plus ultra, the Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death of Sanders copypastas:

To all the Hillary gloaters, i'll tell you one thing. politics is, and always will be, Bernie territory. OUR territory. The mods of politics have formally endorsed Senator Sanders for president. We will continue to control the front page with positive Bernie news. So before you start talking shit and bragging about your bitch's win, I'll have you know that we're well versed in downvote brigades. Say RIP to your karma if you try anything cute. Assholes.

A new classic, summarized in two words: Chicken Nuggets (thanks u/princessnymphia)

Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a fucking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so fucked.

The enoughsandersspam variaton on the copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)

I'll have you know I graduated top of my drum circle class, and I've been involved in numerous secret brigading runs on /hillaryclinton, and I have over 300 confirmed FaceBanking spam sessions. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top downvoting sniper in the entire /politics forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision shitposts the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of birds across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your karma. You're fuckinging dead, old man. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill your karma with over seven hundred downvotes, and that's just with my bare mouse. Not only am I extensively trained in spamming, but I have access to the entire archive of H.A. Goodman articles and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the subreddit, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" Hillary-supporting comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit downvotes all over you and you will drown in it. Your karma is fucking dead, gramps.

The "Prius" copypasta (thanks to myself) [EDITOR'S NOTE: This is perhaps my personal favorite. He's never going to see that car again]

This race is not over. We have a long way to go.
A Socialist Jew just got 48% of the vote in a predominantly white capitalist State (where I happen to live).
I turned my 2014 Toyota Prius over to the Nevada Campaign months ago for their use and just informed them they can have it for as long as they need it.
Hillary IS NOT KICKING OUR ASS!
She sqeaked by this one.
This is not over.
I am here until we win.

The "1% of understanding" copypasta (thanks u/f1ne)

Lol, when it comes to politics I'm in the top 1% of understanding. I've been watching political coverage every week since I was 14 fucking years old. But political novice like you think that you actually have an understanding because of the fact you pay attention once every 2 or 4 years. Yeah keep dreaming. Bernie could easily come out and say that having the debate during the fucking NCAA finals limit exposure to the American people, and that as a true believer in democracy he feels that the American people should be given the best chance to hear the information necessary for them making their democratic decision. And that he doesn't know why Hillary Clinton doesn't want to make the time to reach a large national audience to inform them about what she wants to do for the county. And why she would purposely choose the date that forces the American people to make a choice between watching the final game of the series they've been watching all month, and informing themselves on the difference between the Democratic candidates? Yeah, I guess politics shouldn't be commented on by people who have no fucking idea what they are talking about.

The "Honestly?!?!" copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)

Grow the fuck up, all of you are going to be the reason Hillary is elected and this country goes into the shitter. I sacrificed going to work, I sacrificed food for my family, I sacrificed close to 2,000$ for a better future, for an investment and you all ruined it. I hope you all look back in 8 months about the monster you created, you only have yourself to blame.

The "Anti-Sanders" copypasta (thanks u/Zeeker12)

Before Bernie Sanders, it was Ron Paul. Before Ron Paul, it was Dennis Kucinich. Before Dennis Kucinich, it was Howard Dean. Before Howard Dean, it was Ralph Nader. And so on and so forth back to Eugene McCarthy in 1968. For nearly fifty years, middle-class white college ideologues have latched onto this candidate or that, firmly believing that their political awakening has miraculously coincided with discoveries of Great Truths that escape the Brainwashed Morons that make up the electorate (and which just happen to align perfectly with their own particular socioeconomic interests), and that this Great Man is going to be the one to take the country to the promised land. And it's always the same story. Of course he is going to win. I like him, and I usually get the things I want. And he's popular. I mean, everyone I know likes him, and I know all sorts of people at the university I chose because its student body matches my hometown's income level, ethnicity, region, and politics. And everyone on the websites I visit likes him, and there are millions of people on the websites. (I visit these websites because their user base and content creators mostly match my own identity.) I literally don't know anyone who supports his opponent. (I do not consider the previous statement to be indicative of my own limited viewpoint, but rather consider it damning to his opponent.) And look, I voted for him on a bunch of online polls, and then deleted my cookies and switched IP addresses and voted for him again, and again, and again. And he's totally dominating those polls. See. I knew he was winning. I'll post about how he's winning on some websites. And hey, everyone else on these websites is doing the same thing. I bet he's winning. Of course he's winning. How could anyone not support my candidate? His opponent is basically the same as a member of the other party! Actually their voting record is >90% identical to my candidate's. But I don't really know that much about either candidate. I didn't really know who either were twelve months ago. But I'm super excited now! The media isn't reporting favorably on my candidate. They project he will lose. But they're corrupt. They're bought-and-paid-for. I don't even read them any more. Nobody does. Time to show the world that their lies won't work. Time for the primaries. We lost. Fuck. I literally cannot comprehend how this might have happened. The media said this would happen. The media are a bunch of corrupt liars. I guess the system is just as corrupt as the media is. This is not a good story. This is not a good democracy. Fuck this entire fucking corrupt system. I participated but I didn't get anything what the fuck fuck this noise fucking corrupt bastards and the goddamned cunt for brains sheep that vote for them the entire system is broken the parties are identical the democracy is a sham i'm never fucking voting again bunch of bought and paid for hypocrites fuck this fuck you fuck everything see now there are problems in the world YOU FUCKING DESERVE THE PROBLEMS YOU BASTARDS the people need to rise up BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN why even bother I AM NEVER VOTING AGAIN

The "hole in the wall" copypasta (thanks u/ryuguy)

Using a throwaway because I don't want any trolls stalking all over reddit again... We were supposed to fucking win this one... My retarded Clinton-loving parents are mad at me because I punched a fucking hole in my bedroom wall. I just couldn't take listening to these fucking analysts saying Bernie's campaign is over. Fuck politics, man. this is bullshit. I'm gonna scrap some cash together so I can donate again, but the future is looking fucking bleak

The "Bird" copypasta (thanks u/going_for_a_wank)

Man, as overhyped as the Bernie train is, I gotta say this picture is actually worth a thousand words in terms of his character.
Regardless of context, I believe and have always said that animals are the best judges of true character, and the way someone acts around animals, both with those that could fuck you up and the innocent ones that couldn't severely hurt you no matter how hard they tried, reveals what they really are.
Were I to extrapolate on this idea, the average politician would ignore the bird, the angry, authoritarian, fear-mongerers of the new GOP/tea party would look at it with disdain if they saw it. Someone who truly cares about our planet, our people, and everything on our planet... those with a gentle soul, are the only ones that could stop, appreciate the moment, acknowledge it's beauty, and never even think of it as anything other than a perfectly innocent creature.
I will never trust somebody dogs/cats don't like (if the pets have met them). Never have, never will. Doesn't mean I won't do business or deal with them, I just will ultimately be prejudiced on their character. Perhaps it's confirmation bias, but I've never met a person who's good with animals that has been anything less than admirable, likable, or just plain good.
Sure, I'm a Bernie supporter, but IDGAF who it is. I acknowledge that the more basic nature of a person is more apparent to animals, who've had to adapt to the homo sapiens' dominance (like wolves to dogs) and rely on their kindness.
And that's ignoring whether somebody's concentrating on a speech from memory or reading one off paper, rather than speaking from the heart which allows them to enjoy the moment, read the crowd, and effectively be a better leader. If you don't both know and believe in what you are saying, you wouldn't notice the bird. If you were so concentrated on a memorized speech, you'd look at it like a nuisance. If you actually are speaking from the heart, you see the crowd, and the leaves falling in the distance, you hear the applause after finishing a point, you notice everything as you're in the moment... That is a true leader.
He might be idealistic, he might have views I strongly oppose (humanitarian requirements in international trade agreements off the top of my head), but god damn if he isn't the first candidate in my lifetime I've actually felt wants to do the most he can to make his country, and the world, a better place based on his actual judgement... the first candidate I'm confident in saying that about since Teddy. You might disagree with them on certain issues, but there's no denying their passion for the US, it's citizens, ideals, and their desire to do what they think is best for the country.

The "suicide solution" copypasta (thanks u/TheRealJamesEarlCash)

I maxed out 3 credit cards donating to Sanders and can barely afford to pay my bills this month... Either he wins tonight or im done. If Bernie cant fix my problems, my .45 will.

The "maid" copypasta (thanks u/ryuguy)

msnbc saying that Clarke county results will show that Bernie didn't do as well with Latinos as we thought.
My maid has a Hillary bumper sticker and she better not gloat or anything. She taught my kids spanish and has been with the family for over 8 years but its starting to feel like it might be time for both of us to move on to other opportunities.

The "paraphilia" copypasta (thanks u/LiberatorFalcon)

Ok so to preface I've been straight all my life and this is going to seem really odd so please hear me out lol. I'm a teenager and I use reddit so as you know I love doing typical edgy stuff like memes etc, of which a current Reddit circlejerk is about Bernie Sanders(not going to link the subs but some of them are really pro Sanders and a lot of shitposting etc) anyway, as with any current meme trends I get really into it and I share the memes on other places on the internet and spam them everywhere on the internet in general.
I'm a NEET so I spend a lot of time at home and uh, you know..jerk it a lot but something really weird has happened. I actually legitimately get turned on by watching Bernie videos. Like I said, I've been a straight male all my life.
I don't know what this means and I'm feeling really confused at the moment. I know this sounds stupid but is it normal to sometimes feel same sex attraction to specific people? Like I don't seem to be suddenly attracted to other guys in general or anything.
If anyone has experienced anything like this, I'd really appreciate your comments.

The "emoji saga" copypasta(s) (thanks u/heterosis)

IM DELETING YOU, BERNIE!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 ✔Bernies💃👴 are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Bernie!💖 Send this to ten other 👴💃Bernies👴💃 who give you 💖👍socialism💖👍 Or never get called 🌷🌼️progressive🌷🌼️ again 🚫😢👎😢👎 If you get 0 Back: no free healthcare for you 🚫🏥🚫🏥 3 back: you're progressive🗽🗽 5 back: you #FEELTHEBERN 🔯🗽🔯 10+ back: You’re the first lady!💕🗽💕❤💋💑❤💋💑
To all the Hillary 👵🏻 gloaters 😂😂😂, I'll tell you ☝️ 1️⃣ thing: politics 🏛 is, 😤 and always will be, 😠 Bernie 👴🏻 territory. OUR 😡 territory. The mods 👮👮👮 of politics 🏛 have formally 👔👌 endorsed Senator Sanders 👴🏻 for president 🇺🇸👍. We 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 will continue ⏱⏰⌚️ to control 🎮 the front page 💻 with positive Bernie 👴🏻 news 🗞📰. So before 🖐😤 you start talking 🗣 shit 💩💩💩 and bragging 😊😜😏 about your bitch's 🚺🐶👵🏻 win, I'll have you know 🤔💭 that we're 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 well versed 💬 in downvote ⬇️👎🔽 brigades. Say RIP 💀😩😭 to your karma ⬆️⬇️ if you try anything cute 🐱🐭🐹. Assholes. 😂😂😂
Just me and my 💕bernie💕, hanging out I got pretty hungry🍆 so I started to pout 😞 He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy 😍🍆 and I asked what and he said he'd give me his 💦delegates!💦 Yeah! Yeah!💕💦 I phonebank!💦 I facebank!💦 I spam /politics💦 😍 It makes 💘bernie💘 😊happy😊 so it's my only goal... 💕💦😫Harder bernie! Harder bernie! 😫💦💕 1 primary💦, 2 primaries💦💦, 3 primaries💦💦💦, 4💦💦💦💦 I'm 💘bernie's💘 👑supporter 👑but I'm also a karma whore! 💟 He makes me feel politically active💗!He makes me feel progressive💜! 💘💘💘He makes me feel everything a bernie supporter should!~ 💘💘💘 👑💦💘Wa-What!💘💦👑

The "Red October" copypasta (thanks u/Ogodei_Khan)

COMRADES, men of the Sanders Army and Phonebanking Navy, commanders and political instructors, working men and working women, collective farmers-men and women, workers in the intellectual professions, brothers and sisters in the rear of our enemy who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of the Hillary brigands, and our valiant men and women guerillas who are destroying the rear of the /hillaryclinton invaders!
On behalf of the Sanders Campaign and our Progressive Party I am greeting you and congratulating you on the twenty-fourth anniversary of the Great October Political Revolution.
Comrades, it is in strenuous circumstances that we are to-day celebrating the twenty-fourth anniversary of the Political Revolution. The perfidious attack of the Hillary brigands and the war which has been forced upon us have created a threat to our subreddit. We have temporarily lost a number of users, the enemy has appeared at the gates of /s4p and /GrassrootsSelect. The enemy reckoned that after the very first blow our army would be dispersed, and our subreddit would be forced to her knees. But the enemy gravely miscalculated. In spite of temporary reverses, our Army and Navy are heroically repulsing the enemy’s attacks along the entire front and inflicting heavy losses upon her, while our country—our entire country—has organized itself into one fighting camp in order, together with our Army and our Navy, to encompass the rout of the DNC invaders.
There were times when our country was in a still more difficult position. Remember the year 2016, when we celebrated the first anniversary of the October Revolution. Three-quarters of our subreddit was at that time in the hands of low information voters. New York, the Caucasus, Iowa, Florida, Texas and the Deep South were temporarily lost to us. We had no allies, we had no Vatican City—we had only just begun to create it; there was a shortage of food, of donations, of phones for the Army. Fourteen big banks were pressing against our subreddit.
But we did not become despondent, we did not lose heart. In the fire of war we forged the Phonebanking Army and converted our subreddit into a military camp. The spirit of the great Sanders animated us at that time for the war against the shills. And what happened? We lost by a little less!
To-day the position of our subreddit is far better than twenty-three months ago. Our subreddit is now many times richer than it was twenty-three months ago as regards foreign teenagers, upvotes, and $27 donations. We now have allies, who together with us are maintaining a united front against the Hillary invaders. We now enjoy the sympathy and support of all the nations of Europe who have fallen under the yoke of Hitlery’s tyranny. We now have a splendid Army and a splendid Navy, who are defending with their lives the liberty and independence of our country. We experience no serious shortage of either whining, or popes, or small snacks. Our entire country, all the peoples of our country, support our Army and our Navy, helping them to smash the invading hordes of Hillary Republicans. Our reserves of teenage-power are inexhaustible. The spirit of the great Warren and her victorious banner animate us now in this patriotic war just as they did twenty-three months ago.
Can there be any doubt that we can, and are bound to, defeat the Hillary shills?
The enemy is not so strong as some frightened little fourteen year olds picture her. The devil is not so terrible as she is painted. Who can deny that our Red Army has more than once put the vaunted Goldman Sachs employees to panic flight? If one judges, not by the boastful assertions of the DNC propagandists, but by the actual position of Hillary, it will not be difficult to understand that the nfascist invaders are facing disaster. Corruption and hate reign in Germany to-day; in four months of war Hillary has lost four and a half million men; /hillaryclinton is bleeding, her reserves of man-power are giving out, the spirit of indignation is spreading not only among the peoples of Europe who have fallen under the yoke of the undemocratic invaders but also among the /hillaryclinton people themselves, who see no end to corruption. The Hillary invaders are straining their last efforts. There is no doubt that Hillary cannot sustain such a strain for long. Another few months, another half-year, perhaps another year, and Clinton must burst under the pressure of her crimes.
Comrades, men of the Upvote Army and Red Navy, commanders and political instructors, men and women guerillas, the whole world is looking to you as the force capable of destroying the plundering hordes of corrupt Wall Street invaders. The enslaved peoples of America who have fallen under the yoke of the DNC look to you as their liberators. A great liberating mission has fallen to your lot. Be worthy of this mission! The war you are waging is a war of liberation, a just war. Let the manly images of our great ancestors—Stalin, Mao, Castro, Lenin, Pol Pot, and Elizabeth Warren—inspire you in this war! May the victorious banner of the great Sanders be your lodestar!
For the complete destruction of the Wall Street invaders!
Death to the Goldman Sachs!
Long live our glorious subreddit, her liberty and her independence!
Under the banner of Sanders, forward to victory!

The "Because she's a woman?" copypasta (thanks u/xthn)

What's your proof of this? People say things as stupid as this all the time with no proof. At the same time, you dismiss the proof that exists on the other side for mistrusting and disliking Hillary Clinton. You're happy she won? Why? Why do you think she's going to do any good for this country? What are the stances she has that you like? Besides the fact that she's a woman? Because a lot of awful people also happen to be women. I'd bet about half the awful people in the world are women. Being a woman isn't a good enough reason to be the leader of the free world. So please tell me why you're so happy she might end up in control.

The "ballot bern" copypasta (thanks u/Soulja_Boy_Yellen)

I wouldn't mind doing this. Just taking a lighter to my ballot in the general and saying to the hrc voters around me, "Our vote didn't count, so here you go. Told you you'd feel the bern one way or another. Enjoy the loss. You brought it on yourselves."
Then walk out with my head held high while they writhe in sheer anger

The "Dads" copypasta (thanks u/RedCanada) [EDITOR'S NOTE: The levels of cringe in this CP are off the charts, and one of the few times reading something on here has made me physically uncomfortable]

I think you have no idea how right you are.
"Dads" aren't just the proverbial sperm donors that contributed half of the genetic makeup of who we are.
Dads are the leaders, those who walk the walk, instead of just talking the talk.
Bernie to me is both a great leader, and a damn good father figure.
I always considered myself without a strong father figure, be it paternal or religious.
Bernie is the kindly old man who lit a fire in my heart and set ablaze any previous notion of what "common sense" was supposed to be.
Common sense means nothing, and I don't mean that in a cutesy way.
It means nothing until you set the standard for how your grandchildren will live.
Bernie knows that if he doesn't fight like hell for the grandchildren he'll never meet they will fall through the cracks.
It's no coincidence to me that "grand dad" and "great father" are synonyms. Bernie suits both. The one father figure I related to enough to demand better for the grand children I'll never meet.
And I know I'm not the only one. I'm a hard line stoic rationalist but I've had enough of the greed and the hatred of the status quo.
Humans can be better than greed, better than hatred. You just have to convince people they're worth fighting for.
Thank you, Bernie.
Thank you for convincing me that no matter how scary an enemy, bravery can and does overcome fear when you let it.
E: Man, does nobody know what it means to speak proverbially anymore? is that a scary thing now?

The "sexual confusion" copypasta (thanks u/Sid_Burn & u/GlutenFremous)

I sexually Identify as a Bernie Sanders. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over America dropping free college on disgusting Republicans. People say to me that a winning the nomination is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon shave my head and install Glasses and dank memes on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Bernie" and respect my right to give from above and make dank memes needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a berniephobe and need to check your socialist privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

The "Superdelegate Revenge Squad" copypasta (thanks u/red1dragon588)

If hillary only wins because of super delegates I will write so many angry emails, physical letters, and phone calls (and I've never done the latter 2 before) to every single one of my representatives and the DNC letting them know how upset I am with their actions, and that I will never vote for anyone responsible for this mess ever again, and will vote third party if I have to because I'll never go back to being an inactive voter again either.
Furthermore I'll make my own Hillary Clinton style hit list and I'll make sure to donate money to every single candidate, blue red or otherwise running against said people on list in my district or not until they are ousted from office, and I'll make sure to write those candidates to informing them of that.
Then if I'm still angry, I'll use my coding skills to make an app designed to inform users about their local politicians and history, including income sources and vote history (including delegate votes obviously). And maybe a way to read news articles posted about that candidate about good and bad things they've done.
That last one is a fuckload of work, I almost hope they make me mad enough to get the motivation to attempt it. But more realistically I might try and make an app for the grassroots subreddit if there isn't one already by then to consolidate info of people running on grassroots campaigns in various offices and whether or not they're running up against certain people.
I'll make sure to save this post so I don't forget my intentions.

The "Blacks should know better" copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)

DO. NOT. QUIT. Some of these states are southern, and we know how Bernie does ther ebecuase of certain populations. Things get better from here on out. I think what we need to do is connect better with the African-American population. Now obviously we all know that Hillary has a horrible record with blacks. But they don't seem to get it. I'm not sure if we're being too subtle, or if there's something internalized here, but they should really know better at this point. A lot of people here have done a lot of work to try and educate this group, but I think we need to make our message simpler, maybe we're being confusing or using way too complicated language for them. Remember it's not their fault, they just weren't educated by the MSM, and it's our job ot show them the correct choice. Once again, do NOT give up. Keep strong, and start pushing harder for acceptance by the blacks, and we should be able to pull this off.

The "laminate lectern" copypasta (thanks u/ArkBirdFTW)

Just when I thought I couldn't love him more I see that his lectern is made of cheap press board laminate.
The dude just refuses to waste money on anything.
But his plans are "too expensive".
Really? Come on guys. This is not a man who wastes money. Just look ffs.

The "Idol" copypasta (thanks u/FiveCentDeposit)

I'll always support you no matter what happens, Bernie. In highschool, teachers usually ask you who your idol is. Back then, I never managed to really answer that question. I didn't know anyone who I could really look up to. That all changed when I started to learn about you in September 2015. I can now answer that question without a single doubt in my mind. And I can give a thousand reasons why I chose you. Thanks for fighting so passionately to defend the lives of millions around the whole world.

The "proof that politics is indeed a circlejerk" copypasta (thanks u/FiveCentDeposit)

politics is not a circlejerk. It just so happens that most people there support Sanders. That most people there share a particular opinion doesn't make it a circlejerk. It would be a circlejerk if people just praising that opinion got tons of upvotes and those who dissent got tons of downvotes. This is not the case. Yes, most people there support Sanders but they back it up with reason and facts. However if you constantly bring up fallacies like that there is a statistically meaningful amount of so called "Bernie Bros", that Clinton is more electable or that Sanders should drop out because he can't win, prepare for your unsubstantiated rhetoric to be met with downvotes. There are tons of myths about Sanders that are disproved by statistics and objective facts, and if you bring them up, don't act as if it's because the people who downvoted you are part of an echo chamber.

The "footprints" copypasta (thanks u/berniebrah)

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Bernie. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to Lord Bernie, "You promised me free college, That if I followed you, you would legalize weed. But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life There have only been one set of prints in the sand. Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "wall street, Millionahs, and billionahs."

The "one last throw of the dice" copypasta (thanks u/berniebrah)

The My Fellow Sanders Supporters
Wake Up.
We lost New York, that very thought still fucking burns me as I write this. But Understand this, We Got Five, count with Me One (Pennsylvania) Two (Maryland) Three( Connecticut) Four (Rhode Island) And Five (Delaware) states coming. And Guess what, we sweep through that, and get as small of a lost as we can in Maryland, We Will not only make up what we lost in New York, we will have cut into her lead.
This is war, My brothers and Sisters, and wars are not won by one battle, one moment. We will lose battles, we will lose states.... but we will win the war.
This Campaign is focused on one thing, and one thing only, Fixing America. Fixing the Justice System, the Educational System, the Political System, Our Infrastructure. And we have to work hard for it. MSM and the DNC have written us of as a Insurgency.
Damn Right we are an Insurgency, We are an Insurgency fighting for the future of our children, our families, our very way of life. Corporates like Goldman Sachs, and the Walton Family want to keep us down. And we are down, right now. What matters is this..... Will we stay down, let the world Die around us, because we lost by a little bit in New York. We were no matter what going to lose New York, I wish it wasn't that way but the DNC and Hillary's foothold on that state is strong. We Have to Stand, to give this goddamn world a fighting chance, Hillary won't change Anything, Trump will make it even Worse. We have to win this or Our very way of Life is Gone, and I am not being Dramatic. Hillary wouldn't dare change a thing to keep her Pals in Wall Street Happy, and Trump will Accelerate us into another War. We Let that happen we won't have another Chance, there isn't another 4 years, there isn't a "Next Time" There is only Now, and Now we Have to Lick our wounds, Stand up, and Fight Back, and this is how we are going to do it.
Pennsylvania: We have a Large group of Support there for Sanders, we need to increase it. It takes Priority Number 2, Its has the most Delegates out of all of the other states.
Maryland: Were not gonna get Maryland, no matter how much we do. So we will Focus on Damage Control, Limit the amount we Lose by to as small as possible. We'll make up the delegates With Connecticut, Delaware and Rhode Island: Priority Number one, We need to win these states, no matter what if we wanna stop Maryland from cutting into our win in Pennsylvania, so we need big wins here.
Stand strong Guys, Bernie hasn't abandoned us, we Will Not Abandon him. This is a Revolution, and It Will Not Be Stopped by one state going bad for us.

The "Bernie fanfiction" copypasta, original and variation (thanks u/berniebrah)

Picture if you will, a small adorned study in the Vatican, a small collection of artifacts and books sit on a coffee stable as an older gentleman sits reading one. His hair is disheveled. He looks excited and worn like an oak in the spring as he unwinds from the day. His wife gazes at him from the other chair, her pride of pushing past paperwork to be able to enjoy this moment is palpable. As the air hangs and this moment of evening holds without passing another older fellow glances and then steps in. Bert to the first person's Ernie, a rounder face less hair to dance on his head but a kindred spirit. The lady notices and stands to greet him which breaks the silence. 'Ernie' looks over, sets down the book and stands, offering his hand. "Bernard" "Jorge" "You do good work." Impressed nod. "You, cool." Sly smile. "Be well." Jane starts to sit back down but goes over for a hug instead, over her shoulder a child like smile spreads warmly.
Picture if you will, a small adorned study in the Vatican, a small collection of artifacts and books sit on a coffee stable as an older gentleman sits reading one. His hair is disheveled. He looks excited and worn like an oak in the spring as he unwinds from the day. His wife gazes at him from the other chair, her pride of pushing past paperwork to be able to enjoy this moment is palpable. As the air hangs and this moment of evening holds without passing another older fellow glances and then steps in. The lady notices and stands to greet him which breaks the silence. 'Signore Sanders, what are you doing here?' asks the man, as Bernard sets down the book and stands, asking: "Who are you? Where's the pope?" "Signore Sanders, the pope is in Greece" "But I was going to meet with him, he invited me!" "No Signore Sanders, His Holiness did not invite you. Now please leave before I call the guard." Bernard looks heartbroken. Jane goes over to give him a hug; over her shoulder a child like sob is heard as tears roll down the old man's face.

The "Teenage Kicks" copypasta (thanks u/LiberatorFalcon)

I'm 15 years old and I LOVE Bernie Sanders! :) #FeelTheBern lol. I am REALLY interested in politics. Let me just say that I am so sick and tired of these faux news racist reactionary far right Republican candidates like Donald Trump getting votes (by people like my dad.... lol). It's so funny that people hate Bernie Sanders because he's a socialist.. do people even realize that we have like a million social programs in the United States?? And Europe already IS socialist. These stupid old white guys need to get with the times lol. I don't see why we can't just have free college and free healthcare. These things are a right NOT a privilege. Plus it's already done in EVERY other first world country. Too bad faux news idiots are too brainwashed because they're paid out by big business. lol. Not to mention the income inequality.... completely disgusting.

The "Tell Everyone" copypasta (thanks u/JessesPinkman)

I had a vision last night! Let's take it to the finish line.
Last night while I took a quick nap a vision came to me. I felt like I was drowning deep in the middle of the ocean. I looked around and saw nobody to help. The water kept climbing into my airways and when all seemed lost I look up. Looking down at me was Bernie and immediately he points to me.
I quickly felt the water fade away and turned my head down to see it had disappeared. All that remained was a telephone and a crisp $100 bill. I knew exactly what it meant and as I look back to Bernie all he says to me is, "Tell Everyone!"
This is our moment friends. If we donate just a little bit more and phonebank just a bit harder we'll win this for sure. Spread the word!

The "anti-circlejerk" copypasta (thanks u/General_Kony)

Anyone remember the unidan era?
Here's the thing. You said a "/ESS is a CircleJerk."
Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.
As someone who is a scientist who studies CircleJerks, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls ESS a Circlejerk. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.
If you're saying "It's the same type of subreddit" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Shitposting, which includes things from Lenny Faces to <---- Number of posts to memes.
So your reasoning for calling a /EnoughSandersSpam a CircleJerk is because low information sanders supporters "call it one?" Let's get /politics and /the_donald in there, then, too.
Also, calling someone an paid shill or a plant ? It's not one or the other, that's not how shilling works. They're both. An paid shill is a Plant and a member of the /EnoughSandersSpam family. But that's not what you said. You said a /EnoughSandersSpam is a CircleJerk, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the Political Subreddits Circlejerks, which means you'd call /SandersForPresident, /politics, and other shitposting subreddits, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

The "Berniebots = atheists" copypastas (thanks u/z7sour7lemons7z) [EDITOR'S NOTE: This CP perhaps contains the greatest amount of cognitive dissonance I've seen in a Sanders post]

Bernie Sanders supporters are like atheists. They are obviously right and they know it. But should they dare speak obvious truths, they get attacked by ad hominems from well-intentioned people who refuse to accept reality. If the goal of civilization is to make progress, the idea that Hillary Clinton is a better candidate than Bernie Sanders is pure fantasy. There are plenty of smart, reasonable, and well-informed Hillary supporters -- But there are plenty smart, reasonable, well-informed Christians, Jews, and Muslims too. I think the explanations for why Hillary is a better candidate than Bernie are as unreasonable as religion. But good luck getting a follower to realise it.

The "True Nature of Power" copypasta (thanks u/Stupidconspiracies)

Know what power is? Clinton needs Sanders voters to win the election, THAT is power. HAHAHAHAHAHA Got bad news for you, Sanders and his supporters won't surrender unconditionally, and if Clinton resists our terms there will be consequences. HAHAHAHAHAHA Here's how it's gonna go down. If Clinton wants to win (which she does) Clinton will make progressive promises on the convention floor (which she will), and the moment she violates any of those promises, she'll be hearing from us. :P Feel the Bern.